I find but keep looking

 I know it all - I know the truth. And yet, the idea that it is not personal, that it is not individually experienced, alludes me. Individual does not mean exclusively.

It is known here - this experience of conscious awareness - and it does feel contained, but not limited, to this body. It feels this consciousness is housed in this body and it is experiencing life through this unique form which provide it with unique experiences - this is the shape consciousness took here. 

So I know myself as this shape. To claim to know consciousness as itself, feels arrogant, like that can only exist as a concept in the form.

Can I wave know it is the entire ocean - in essence? Can a flower know itself as the soil it came from and will return to? No - we may know that we are born from consciousness into form, but that is a concept - not knowable. 

The ocean is still and the ocean takes shape. When it is still the water is one body with less definition. When it is rough, we see more forms. The forms are illusions, it is all water.

But in the form itself in the moment of the form, the form knows itself as…

Non duality and Me

 

My core question is how do we reconcile this ideosycratic, embodied, experiential sense of self with the no-thing separation concept (at this point a concept). I know it is all One - that is obvious, but the relationship between that truth and this incarnate self leaves me not knowing "where I stand" or what is my position in relationship to the One reality.

I have been a spiritual seeker since a child, was involved with an Ouspensky school (cult) for a few years as a young woman and most recently, the Advaita path with a guru for the past 8 yrs, and THIS is what has been stuck in my craw - as I spoke to in my prior question. This comes after just spending 2 weeks with my guru and sangha - and getting as direct a transmission as could be hoped for - yet coming back to my life disenchanted because I was "still" unable to fully realize the "truth of what I am" as pure Being - because I haven't know where to put the rest of this "I" which is more clearly known and actually appreciated and honored. This incarnation matters, the past is not irrelevant, it is a movement, a process, an evolution. A never ending symphony of creation! As a mother, the idea that my relationship with my children is not "real" or that the experience of birthing and raising them is irrelevant to "who I am" - I simply cannot swallow, as much as I have chewed! This is confirmation, and now I know - that it is time to step away from the path I have been on, and toward this new view - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovjhc3Aijqk

In response to radical non-duality https://substack.com/home/post/p-178199573

1. “Meaning love and care still appears” - meaning is in context. There is no meaning with one who determines it.
2. Pain, loss and grief appear - where are they experienced as such?
3. Is there experience without an experiencer?
4. The story of separation understanding itself - is the story of separation an entity that can understand itself? That’s dual
5. 
   
6.  “People still feel” So people are separate than persons? 
7. Responsible sharing makes this clear??? Who is determining what is responsible? There is discretion, by what or who?
8. What is universal love without meaning?
9. The words you and me point to a difference between.