Digging.
Through the mud.
The layers of silt –of guilt.
Through decades,
I fell.
Free falling.
Life’s calling,
Mother!
Circling back around.
Unfamiliar,
Yet known ground.
Like a vague, distant song.
Once sung.
The melody rising up
From this buried, dusty instrument.
A song so familiar,
Yet nearly forgotten.
I am listening.
I am quiet.
I am writing.
I am found.
Roseann Pascale – rapascale@gmail.com
I wish to attend the Sun’s writing retreat because I seek to grow as a writer and to contribute to the dominant discourse of society, both locally and globally. I look forward to learning from others who are dedicated to the craft of writing, and in sharing our experience of being human. I believe as we share our stories, we come to know ourselves in the reflection of others.
The current state of mass journalism is at best, troublesome. The Sun is an important voice in countering what are often shallow representations of humanity, through meaningful, rich and restorative stories that illustrate the complexities of being human.
I come to this opportunity, as a mature woman who is dusting off her pen. I wrote my first existential poetry at 9 years of age, having been influenced by the novel “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”, by Richard Bach. The theme of the book, and the poetry it inspired, set the stage for a lifetime of introspection. The seeds of inquiry were planted, and a desire to understand the meaning of life took root.
I continued to journal and write poetry as a young adult. While studying filmmaking as an undergrad, I took part in a screenwriting course. I clearly remember a moment of reflection, where I concluded that as a young woman, I did not yet know enough about life to write anything of consequence. I assured myself that when I knew what I had to say, I would say it – in writing. That time has come.
As is often true for many of us, life’s journey into adulthood brought obligations and responsibilities. Career and domesticity took precedence over creative endeavors. During the first half of my life, I worked as a television producer. I also married, divorced, and raised two children as a single mother.
In 2009, disillusioned by the vapid content of the programs I was producing, I left the television industry and embarked on a new career. I returned to graduate school to become a counselor and therapist. My guiding mantra at the time was, “I want who I am, to be what I do”. I continue to refine and pursue a congruent sense of self, which includes honoring the writer in me.
Now that my children are grown, much of the responsibility associated with being a caregiver is behind me. As I find my way in this new and unfamiliar territory, I feel I am being reintroduced to myself, both as a woman, and as a writer.
The following poem was born of this experience:
Digging.
Through the mud.
The layers of silt –of guilt.
Through decades,
I fell.
Free falling.
Life’s calling,
Mother!
Circling back around.
Unfamiliar,
Yet known ground.
Like a vague, distant song.
Once sung.
The melody rising up
From this buried, dusty instrument.
A song so familiar,
Yet nearly forgotten.
I am listening.
I am quiet.
I am writing.
I am found.
My writing centers around my experience of life and my interpretation of the world around us. I am politically active and seek to add to the communal conversation, a purpose I believe is aligned with the editorial mission of The Sun.
As a result of leaving the known and stepping into uncertainty, I have had to endure financial challenges. I continue to be the primary support for my youngest daughter and myself, and work as a freelance writer, editor and per diem therapist. Many things are out of reach for me due to financial constraints, but I trust that this is part of the process of change and growth.
My path as a writer has led me to this opportunity. I would be honored to be among the writers attending the Wildacres retreat. I look forward to developing my craft, contributing to the magazine, and building community with others who share the same vision.
I would be grateful to receive a scholarship to attend the workshop.
Roseann Pascale
954-258-6045
rapascale@gmail.com
A time for mediation and a time for revolution.
One look at my facebook page and you’ll see it. My two sides on display. Finding the balance between rising above the noise, and fighting against the machine is a feat I have yet to master.
Thought leaders such as Eckhart Tolle speak of the play of forms. This Samsara world from which there is no escape. When I am in this place, I see that I am of most benefit by sharing the beauty in the world, the light, the hopeful nation. But so often this seems to be a very first world perspective. Much like that game, where you add, in bed to the end of the fortune cookie saying, I find myself reading memes and adding “unless you are poor”. There is this airy fairy, first world perspective about growth, self realization, abundance and the like. All that is well and good if you have resources, are educated, and have access to facebook to see the memes.
For most of the world, these platitudes are just that. Empty and void of any real power. Martin Luther King was among the most enlightened of beings, yet he took to the streets to facilitate changes. Ghandi is another example of an enlightened one taking action in the world. Sometimes, its not enough to just mediate, visualize. Sometimes, we need a god damn revolution.
We are in one of those times. This is what makes Bernie so appealing. Sure, I have my doubts and no, I am not a political analyst or scientist. But you don’t have to be a political scientist to see the impacts of a profit driven economy on the quality of life for the worlds citizens. And here in the states we have it easier than most.
To blog about...Otherhood. - this truly is an amazing process of remembering, reclaiming, finding ourselves again as women. And seeing, feeling so astutely the grooves that have resulted from years of puttin gothers first, survival mode I step forward knowing I am taking right action, yet I also am astutely aware of the baggage i am carrying. Each step I take, is like walking across some imaginary bridge, that is swaying over an imaginary river...each step that I make successfully feels like a huge relief, today just emailing a potential practice opportunity was such as step I started sobbing. The sobs came not really from happiness, but more from relief, from fear unrealized. Because taking these steps feels so momentous, are so new..that there is a great amount of tension in the preparation and thought so that when I finally do it, its such an emotional reach. Naturally there is also the tears of joy of finally doing things for me alone. This is such an insane time, it is hard to believe who I was, how I operated, how I kept that house running and raised those girls. I was not conscious, I know. But i was doing the best I could. I worked so hard...to keep all those balls in the air..it was all I could do to not let them fall...I did it well, but there really was little time for relaxation or reflection. It was go go go. Even when working at rainbow, there was always an agenda, taking classes for my masters degree...I GOT A FUCKING MASTERS DEGREE while working full time and raising a daughter on 35K a year. I was so focused on just getting it done. And here I sit alone so much of the time, I have all this time to myself. I am busy with things...but nothing near what I used to do...driving Olivia to school, myself to work, dinner, lunches, dance class, competitions. i do wish I had kept a calendar at least..it would be interesting to see now.
So...the trip into motherhood...really is into otherhood. Serving others. Giving your life to others for 20 years. That's what it is. Not complaining, but this is what we do, at least this is what I did. They came first for 20 years. No doubt about it. I didnt think for me, i thought for we, and for them first then I. If it didnt' work for we, it didnt' work. from motherhood....my otherhood.
alone, done alone. excited yet terrified. afraid of myself, Faith, must have faith.
01/15/19
Devotion – The Tao of Motherhood and Caregiving
With Madeline:
The assault of the senses – the change in daily exposure to media
The surrender of self interest – continually privileging the other’s needs
The uselessness of reason – when other is unable to comprehend of empathize
The myopia of comfort – when pain is primary experience and no others are available
THe dissolution of opinion – because whats the point?
The sacrifice of taste
Waking up in anticipation of crisis – hypervigilance
The demands of service
Devotion of service
I am consumed mostly by fear.
I fear the world
My children are growing up with a fearful mother.
I need to be more real to have them open to me.
Social networking IS living on the internet. They don’t know each other, but from the profile they can get to know each other or decide if they want to chat. They see how many friends they have in common, to figure out where they go to school, what hobbies they have….so then when they actually meet, they kind of know each other. It is LIFE and socializing online, often live.
R.Pascale
I’d like to fall in love again---really, I would.
But it’s been so long, and I think I may have forgotten how.
To care.
To share.
To relax.
To open.
To reveal.
To be real.
I have been single for 7 years now. This is a curiosity to me. Prior to this period, I had never before been without a lover.
The cause is not entirely clear to me, although it stems from circumstance and choice. Perhaps it has something to do with being burnt out from single motherhood---sole provider-hood. Add to that a career change, and yes, maybe I’d simply been too busy for love.
Although I had entered into a new relationship after my divorce, I was never all in. Somewhere deep down I knew that the woman I was as a mother, was not necessarily the woman I would be when my children were grown. I didn’t want my romantic relationship to revolve around parenting, I wanted it to revolve around passion.
I put my heart on hold and immersed myself in a career change, deciding I would wait until I was truly “single” before I’d start dating again
We are amazingly adaptive creatures. When we can’t get something we need, we find ways to work around it. As the years went by, I convinced myself that I had evolved past “romantic love”. I dedicated myself to scholarly and spiritual pursuits, thinking romance and passion were not essential, or even conducive to my growth. I laugh now at the ridiculousness of it, and at the same time am fascinated by the ways in which the ego will conjure up stories to protect itself.
During the lean years of single motherhood, I had become lean as well. With my children now grown, and the load lightened, my body is filling out. Like air filling a deflated raft, life is coming back into me. As my body becomes healthier, it is remembering sensuality, passion and desire. it wants to be touch, to feel pleasure at the touch of another.
My heart, which had been filled by the daily care of children, is longing for more.
As my body fills out, my energy is projecting into the universe. I haven’t done anything particularly different, but somehow men are appearing in my orbit.
The men are tentative and non-committal, surely a reflection of my own energy. Perhaps they are reading the energetic signals I am emanating: Proceed with Caution: Unfamiliar Territory Ahead.
Which leads me to my new friend.
We are neighbors. He and I met quite by chance. In story straight out of a fairy tale, he rescued me along a flooded street and drove me to my car. As I crawled out his passenger window, hoisting myself into my car, he shouted out his apartment number. I returned the gesture. To my surprise, he called me from the security guard’s desk and asked permission to get my number, “maybe we could meet up some time”.
We became fast friends. When we are together, conversation flows easily. We connect intellectually, spiritually, culturally; an unusual circumstance, considering the building we live in is filled with retirees and immigrants. It’s a bit like finding a diamond underneath your doormat.
That was one year ago. I wish I could say we fell madly in love, but we all know it is never that simple.
Instead, slowly our relationship crawls along. In what was an indirect conversation about us, he said he was mostly looking for companionship, and of course, I quickly concurred.
The unfortunate truth is there is little sexual chemistry between us, in part, because neither of us is putting it out there. He is a brainiac, literally a genius; the consequence of which mean he has zero swag. It seems all of his testosterone has been dedicated to his intelligence rather than sexual prowess.
For my part, I have tucked my sensuality neatly away. I am quite passionate as a lover. My sexual self has an on/off switch. Once I am turned on, you get all of me. I don’t do tepid.
The problem is, I am starting to fall for him. He’s on my mind throughout my day. I want to get closer to him. I am not sexually attracted to him, but I want to be.
As my heart begins to crack open and love begins to flood empty chambers, I see that it has been broken. For the past 7 years or so I have been pretending that I do not want love, I do not need intimacy. I’ve been lying. I’ve been hiding.
The longing and heartbreak that this potential relationship is provoking is astounding. I find myself in tears, because the ache in my heart to feel loved again, to share my love again, is so intense. And it has been so long since I have felt this way.
Getting close to this person is pricking at the surface of my heart and it is threatening to burst. I have been reminded that my heart is had the capacity to hold an enormous amount of love.
I know that although painful, this is cause for celebration. In the words of Dr. Frankenstein…It is ALIVE!
However, opening our hearts leads inevitably to vulnerability…yuck! I don’t want to be vulnerable! I certainly don’t want to be rejected. This man calls me every night, he wants to see me every day. I imagine he is waiting for me to give him the go signal, yet I hesitate. I don’t think it would be fair to him for me to open the door and then not invite him in, and if I were to open that door, and he did not walk through it, I would be crushed.
I know enough to know that this is not about this man. When we have such strong feelings, there’s a good chance we are projecting our unresolved emotional stuff of past relationships onto our potential new partners.
When relationships don’t work out, regardless of who ends them, they are experienced as abandonments to the heart. All the heart knows that something it once cared for deeply is gone, and it grieves.
The longing itself comes from attachment and desire---the carnal, secular love of a human being, and the pain that comes from the lack of it.
My mind tells my heart it needs to relax, to let go of these fear based projections---to reach for the spiritual, universal love of another, which seeks not to possess, but rather is unattached, fluid. Love which allows people in and out of our experience without the need for permanence. With this comes freedom from suffering that comes from such attachment.
Although these are worthy and enlightened aims, my wiser self knows this advice is also my ego looking for ways to avoid feeling these feelings. The ego can be quite sly, using spiritual principles for its own purposes. In this case, to lift my awareness above these feelings of longing would be to avoid my human nature, rather than leaning in to experience it.
As the saying goes, The heart wants what it wants. Alas, I am merely mortal.
“The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection… and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one’s love upon other human individuals. ~ George Orwell
I want to run, to avoid these uncomfortable feelings. I see now why people ghost other people, it’s too hard to face the ambivalence, the heart ache, so much easier to just disappear.
What leads us when we are lost? In the past, I clung to professional growth and ambition to guide me. At this time in my life, I choose to let love lead.
Like a beacon in the darkness, Love’s light continually calls to us. It’s up to us to raise our eyes and follow its beam. If we are courageous, it will lead us into its welcoming arms---and with luck, into the welcoming arms of another. The warmth of an embrace. The caring of another’s heart, the sharing of another’s soul. This is now what I long for.
I am lifting my heart to the heavens, and am facing the uncertainty. I am reaching for Love. I can’t yet say it is with open arms, but they are beginning to un-cross.
30 years is a long time ago.
How my daughter reminded me of the bad ass I am
At times, being the mother of a daughter can be like looking at a mirror of your past.
At 20 years old, my daughter is killin’ it. She has grabbed life by both hands and is out in the world making moves, taking no prisoners. She’s badass.
I have two daughters. My eldest is so bad-ass that she left home at 19 and never looked back. She doesn’t ask for money, in fact, doesn’t ask for anything, which at times can be a problem, at least for me. I wasn’t prepared to have her leave so young. I still had mothering to do.
But off she went, and made her own life. She works and loves
really hard. She doesn't know how gorgeous she is, but she will learn someday. Seeing her and her boyfriend together is a testament to the
strength of young love, before life complicates it. After 6 years, I think they have what it takes to go the distance. Time will tell, and she will prevail regardless.
My younger daughter is badass in a different way. She knows how to play her cards. She is stunningly beautiful which helps---a lot. But she’s also goofy, intelligent and graceful.
Yes, I’m proud. Of them, and of me for raising them, as a badass!
.
The Butterfly Effect
In 2004, the movie “The Butterfly Effect” was released starring Ashton Kutcher. It was the first time I had heard the term, and the phenomenon it described blew my mind.
If we have the good fortune to live long enough to have some disappointments in our lives, the idea of “What if?” will eventually plague us. Often it becomes an “if only”. If only I had gone to a better college (or college at all). If only I had won that talent contest, If only I hadn’t married him or her. If only we had been able to have children. If only I had forgiven my mother, father, friend. If only I knew then what I know now.
We imagine that somehow if this one thing had been different, somehow our lives would have been, well — better.
The butterfly effect is part of a field of study called Chaos Theory. As an aspiring Buddhist, who is working with the idea of uncertainty as a basic truth of human existence, simply the term Chaos Theory made me want to know more.
I did a little research on the term Butterfly Effect and found that it was first coined by mathematician and meterologist Edward Norton Lorenz in the 1960’s. He became skeptical of the linear models of weather prediction and observed that most phenomenon that effected the atmosphere were non-linear in nature. This lead him to create models that accounted for these variations.
Lorenz discovered that a small change in one state of a nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.
To help less brilliant minds grasp the concept, he used the metaphor of a hurricane’s trajectory being influenced by something as minor as the flapping of the wings of a distant butterfly. In what may be a unrelated coincidence, a graphical mapping of an element of this effect results in the shape of a butterfly.
I now understand why the Facebook page, “I love fucking science” has 25 million likes!
But I digress.
There have been circumstances and choices in my life that I have wondered “if only”. If only I hadn’t broken up with my first true love, if only I hadn’t married the wrong guy for me, if only I hadn’t sold my apartment in Manhattan. Some of them get rough.
When I actually took the time to go back through my life, I realized that it has not been those big life decisions that have contributed to my life as I know it, but it is also the smallest acts. And in many cases, the outcome has been wonderful.
If I hadn’t been asked at age 18 to photograph my friend’s high school performance, I would not have been “bitten” by the love of photography. From that moment, I walked around with the burning question of “how does one become a photographer”. At the time I was working in a dead end job as a clerk on Wall Street. Had I not gone in for a slice of pizza that one afternoon, I would not have stumbled upon the ad for the photography class in the local flyer
The Counselors
Cockroach crawling out of couch - Sara
Car Accident – Jess
Masked Armed Robbery client
Bi Polar Director of Agency
Jamaican with arm in cast from CTS
Car engine burnout
Mountain of ridiculous paperwork – Do a progress note that you are doing progress notes.
Friend, advisor, love interest
Plot – Young, out of state innocent, comes to Florida, the rehab capital of the USA. Finds love, loses naivety.
Starts with her in farm town, reading the likes of Freud, Jung, wants to be psycho-therapist. Ends up working with people who think depression is not real, “can I hold it in my hand”. Leaves and works as an intern.
Scene where she goes in to quit but chickens out because supervisor is crying.
“Why do you hate your clients?”
The escape from all false ties.
This is one of the tenents of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s in his work….
Since first coming upon this work, I have made it my guiding principle.
Its funny how we are influenced by things. A line of a song, a few verses from a book, can set us upon a path of a lifetime.
This is no more evident than in the bible. The west has its bible, the jews have their torah, the IChing and the Koran. These texts have set generations of nations on the path of right livelihood.
The escape from all false ties.
I am feeling this line particularly pointedly these days. In relationship to making a living.
Making a living, is not the same as making a life.
So often, we do things we don’t want to do. I have spent a lifetime chasing money, making a living. As a single mom raising children as a single mom, I like so many others life centered around the needs of providing for my daughters, keeping the roof over their heads their belly’s fed.
That was 20 years of making a living.
Now my children are grown, only one still riding my coat tails.
I am chasing a license. Some chase marriages, others chase money. I am chasing a license.
Goals are good, but what happens when you our live the goal, when the goal changes before you’ve accomplished it.
Sort of like training for the Olympics, and then when the year finally comes, not having the heart to compete.
Things can beat the passion out of you as well. Ask any doctoral student how they felt in the final stretch. Most would say they were ready to abandon the entire effort and go become a barista at Starbuck, I know one in particular who did just that.
False ties. We sacrifice our lives to case these dreams.but we don’t’ realize they are false until we start to get close to achieving them.
I hav teo turn this around. This sadness and despair. I have to wrk with it.
What can I tell myself
You tried. You made good on a heart driven goal. Your intention was to love, to help humanity. The system kills everything that is fresh and pure. Don’t let the spark die.
Ekt would say this is simply ego and resistence. I am creating my suffering here. This is the play of forms, I ma playing with it.
But the fear of money is not a game. It is harshe and pointed and related to dealth. Yet is is also
It is equal to blood an dwter. We have cretated a society of man where money is as essential as water.
This bothers me to no end.
We can only see ourselves in reflection.
Isn’t that peculiar? For all of the magnificent complexity of creation, we cannot see ourselves directly. It seems to me to be a bit of a practical joke. Surely, if creation thought it useful, we would have been able to pop our eyeballs out to look back at ourselves.
From an evolutionary perspective, one might deduce that self observation serves no useful purpose. However, when viewed through a metaphoric lens, the fact that we can only see ourselves as a reflection is symbolic of a somewhat deeper truth.
We need each other.
“What people in the world think of you is really none of your business”~ Martha Graham
This phrase went made its rounds on social media a few years back, and when I first heard it, I jumped right on the bandwagon. I had spent the majority of my life evaluating myself according to other’s opinions of me. To think I could be free of that burden, yes indeed, count me in!
At first glace, most of us would probably agree measuring our self worth based on others opinions, expectations or judgments of us is not a great idea.
However, for those of us interested in self-development, the reflections of others are invaluable. Because as we seek to “know thyself”, we must recognize that we're not objective about ourselves. This is one reason we may seek out a teacher.
I remember the day when insight struck, and I realized that we could not be objective about ourselves. I was a teenager, lingering outside after school, when the thought came to me. “You can’t see yourself clearly”.
Some people---those who care about us---those who love us---and in fact even those who irritate us, have a message.
Doesn't mean that everyone is right about us there is no right that's the entire point.
We are stuck in our little minds, our self image, made up of our personal narratives, “the story of me” as Eckhart Tolle speaks of it. To not take anything personally is to recognize that most people are running their own proprietary operating system,
However at the same time
Things that are best friend might tell us about ourselves perhaps will be more open to. What about that irritating coworker or the competitive friend. The boss who is never satisfied. And then of course there's the family.
I can also be a lot we can also be a romantic relationship nothing cuts to the core more than one a romantic partner points out some constructive criticism him. Especially in marriages can often be hard to hear.
I first had this realization when walking out of the therapy session Monday many years ago in the village in New York City. The man was walking down down the street accompanied by two women on either side of him and is he passed I overheard his conversation with them and my thought was oh my god what an idiot. I can't tell you know what that judgment was but the thought that immediately followed was I wondered if either of those women would tell him so I realize that to have people that care enough about you to about the things that you may be blind to about yourself is very loving act to get engaged to commit to have an opinion sure they can be overdone.
How much easier is it to not get involved. And I'm not talking about detachment I'm not talking about the spiritual goal of non-judgment those things all stand right now and carving out a certain aspect of how we need each other in the ways in which the reflection we provide to each other can be of benefit for highest good. Most spiritual traditions incorporate this idea of work on oneself of coming to know the parts of ourselves that are painful to see often teachers will be the ones to demonstrate to us either directly or indirectly areas of ourselves that need work. Often these are aspects of our ego. Seeing ourselves without judgment is a spiritual test. Having friends on the spiritual path to point out these areas is truly a gift one that takes a good stomach not always easy to stomach but something incredibly precious.
This is what I hope to provide to my clients. I seek to be a mirror to reflect back to them what I see their presentation of themselves to me. Of course I'm not a perfect beer I have my biases I have my cultural experiences I can only reflect back from the medium that I am. However that does not negate The value of the information. By collecting reflections of others about ourselves we can begin to put together a picture of the whole nothing can be more shocking at times than seeing oneself on video tape or hearing once boys often actors don't want to see themselves at work often we cringe when we hear her voice. This shows how truly ignorant we are of our of the impression we give. It's all for learning it's all to be of benefit it's all to be grateful for those for flecked ourselves back to ourselves we need each other if we are to become whole.
These are the friendships that I value most friends who are willing to go to get in the ring with me willing to take the risk to say something course with kindness of course with compassion but those willing to commit to take a chance to help me grow friends like these are rare and incredibly cherished.
English Standard Version
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. English Standard Version
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
Whatever relational dynamic you find yourself in - learn to decipher its deeper meaning. Pay attention, become an observer of how you’re energy impacts others and in turn what it inspires in them. Be mindful of who, what and how you are triggered and in what context. Never fear the reflection, instead use it to go deeper and deeper into the process of self-examination and self-discovery, go deeper still into the self, until eventually you discover or uncover the nature of your affliction
Although we are born and die as individuals, we are inexplicability tied to each other while alive.
I feel out of control most of my days. Because of this illness, I never know when it will strike, so I always have this feeling of when the shoe will drop again. I
When my daughter was 18, she moved out of the house, and I was unprepared for that. She did not stay in touch much, so I felt like I lost my connection to her in a harsh way. She had her reasons, which were a mystery to me, so I felt very distraught and confused. My heart was broken and that lasted for several years. The most severe broken heart. I just felt like a part of me was missing.There were moments of connection, but I often felt like when I communicated to her, it was like I was sending pings out into the universe, never knowing if or when I would get a signal back.
It was incredbily frustrating as well, because there were things I still handled for her, areas of life where she was still connected to me, so to reach out to her, and get no response. It was crazy making. She would let me know in her own way that she loved me, I remember a very touching Thanksgiving day text that I received from her. She acknowledged that much of it was her own issues, that she did not feel comfortable speaking truthfully to me, but she thanked me for all I was and had done for her, and for remaining patient with her.
Thankfully, I never stopped trying. And this past year, on mothers day no less, we reconnected. We had the best talk, a totally conscious discussion of misunderstandings and intentions. We don’t talk all the time now, but our core connection is back, and that has been an amazing healing for me.
God’s World/ Man’s World – Who the fuck do we think we are.
Economy is based on an idea. Money is not real, it is an idea of exchange.
The government is seeking to “reopen” the economy, so that regular people can “go back to work” – IE Toil away to get money to spend to keep CEO’s wealthy.
People can’t pay their rent because they are not working. Their landlords can’t pay their mortgages to who? To the BANK…who is the bank? The STOCK MARKET, where people use money itself to make money – No service to mankind, just playing with money.
So if Joe Shmo doesn’t have money in his pocket to hand over to the banker, the entire false system of debt falls apart.
EVERYTHING that is done by humans can still be done, WITHOUT MONEY!
The only reason we need money is because some people want to hoard it, save it, because it is more powerful. Rather than have to earn their daily bread, they use their stored money to feed off of.
The industrial revolution fucked us!
What is of nature is perfect, provides for ALL of God’s creatures…except us? NO! We have created a second world to God’s world….MANKIND is the work of the devil! HAHAH.
All we need is food, and shelter. That is provided by nature…seeds, water. The animals of the earth do not use MONEY to survive or thrive. We see evidence of animals playing and simply enjoying their existence.
Those in power are prepared to put people “back to work” to continue to float a corrupt system of enslavement.
No Work=No Money= No resources…WHY? Because men at the top of the world want to sit in their thrones and do nothing on the backs of the rest of us.
We are out of touch with truth of our existence.
NOTHING MAN CREATES IS ESSENTIAL TO LIFE!
AND this is the great awakening. Some of us will wake up and see the Matrix, see the false system of oppression made by man, and some of us will misunderstand – those who want to “open the economy” don’t see that they are slaves….they are fighting to return to the shackles, they do not yet see past them.
Free market economy is an economy of greed and benefits a few.
Meanwhile, socialism and communism are derided by the same system of power.
Providing for all humanity is demonized…this is the ultimate slight of hand.
I have woken up to the truth.
I need to be alone
I need to find who I am again, to explore without the interference of other, or of being in relation to another.
I have to dig deep down into the silence of my being, into this life, to explore and be reintroduced to who IAM
I seek contemplation, silence, exploration. It’s a solo journey.
I am happy to correspond, to have brief interludes at my discretion.
But the baseline needs to be one of stillness and singularity, of wholeness in and of myself.
I need that solid ground of self to be stable and known and secure. It’s a journey back to me.
No explanations, no obligations to other, other than kindness.
This is not a rejection of other, it is a welcoming and embracing of myself.
Eric and I are coming from two completely different directions.
He has had a lifetime of singularity, and is ready to explore union and connection and the Self as US.
I have had a lifetime of otherhood, of myself in relationship to other. I seek singularity.
I haven’t had the space to breathe, to grieve, I do not yet know the depths of my grief, of losing my mother, and my father. Of being the elder now. I want the space to explore, I want to follow my own whims.
This does not mean I want to end the relationship with Eric, I just want to maintain our independent selves.
I want to be loved for who I am – unconditionally. And who I am is someone who likes to be by herself, who likes to be quiet, who is comfortable with being alone. Being together is secondary to being alone for me. Like life is borrowed from death, couple-hood is borrowed from self hood. First things first.
The fighting and irritability was because I was trying to force myself to be something I am not and to want something other than what my spirit called for.
I thought I got my independent spirit from my father, but actually from my mother.I am my mothers daughter, after all.
We have had a virtual relationship
Can’t process the Me in relationship to We right now
I don’t need help, I need space and holding. I will find my way on my own. I need to find my own footing.
No attachments
No Baggage
I need to move according to my own flow, not incorporating anyone else. It’s a solo, not a duet.
You are not the cause, the fact that I need space is the cause
I can’t think about anything other that whats in front of me
Trying to build the house in the middle of a hurricane.
IDEAS for Slam
Mother as portal
The pain of losing a mother, and realizing you will do the same to your loved ones
China closet life
Writings the day before
Photos, finding my mothers beauty
Shooting photos of the entire journey.
Realizing who I got my independence and sense of beauty from.
Starting at the end.
I buried my mother on New Years day. She passed away on Dec. 27th. Seems she wasn’t interested in all that 2020 had in store for us.
Her passing came somewhat unexpectedly, which is fascinating, because I had moved back up to NYC two years prior in anticipation of this very moment.
Let me rewind to that decision. One Spring evening, I received a call from my siblings informing me that my mothers loony landlord was evicting my mother, stating she could no longer bear the smell of food coming through the vents. Who evicts a 92 year old quiet old lady because she cooks herself a few chicken wings? There was no lease, and she wanted my mother out within 30 days.
My mother was livid, and believed the landlord was poisoning her by spraying through the vents. My mother was stressed and we all knew that we needed to move fast. My mother had been in the hospital several times over the past few years for bladder infections, back pain and urinary track infections.
, but suffice it to say my siblings and I had an issue.
So busy taking care of mom, that I wasn’t’ able to see Madeline, until I could see her in pictures.
The reason I’m supporting Marie in Williamson‘s candidacy is because she has the wisdom to guide this nation through the quick sand we find ourselves in.
Williamson represents my values; values that I believe will give us the best chance of saving our democracy, and potentially our humanity. Marianne Williamson represents my voice on that debate stage.
We need to wake up. Isn’t that what those of us in the spiritual community have been working on for all these years? Anyone who has ever reached for a self-help book, is practicing yoga, has sought spiritual enlightenment, and those who go to any house of prayer, should consider supporting Marianne. She is unapologetically suggesting that spiritual principles guide our political process. However, here is the important distinction, spiritual principles, not religious doctrine. So, what is are spiritual principles exactly? They support our essential nature and humanity.
“Spirituality is the path of the heart and compassion for the human condition”
“To the analytical mind, the journey of the soul seems irrelevant, and that is the beast, from there we are lost”.
In his book “Waking Up”, neuroscientist and author Sam Harris, makes the case for spirituality without religion. Harris notes the animosity many of his peers and secular intellectuals feel toward the term “spiritual” and seeks to disarm their objections by identifying the root of the word “spirit” derives from the Greek “pneuma, meaning “breath”. Further illuminating the way in we speak of the “Spirit” of a thing as its most essential principle.
A self identified atheist, Harris implores his readers to take nothing on “faith” but to test his assertations in the laboratory of their own lives. I invite the same scrutiny toward the traditionally held liberal aversion to a discussion of the spiritual essence of the body politic, and to the candidate, Marianne Williamson.
Early on, the idea of a Williamson candidacy was thought of as a joke, the punchline to a late night host’s monologue. But after the first debate, Marianne was christened by the holy ghost of Google, as the most searched candidate. Suddenly people started to pay attention to what she was actually saying, rather than their preconceived notions of her lack of qualifications for the job.
Marianne Williamson is sounding all the right notes, for a nation desperate for hope, for sanity, and for the possibility of redeeming ourselves. Marianne makes us believe that we still have a chance to fulfill the promise of the “pursuit of happiness for all men”.
Through her analogy to the “Wizard of Oz” and the notion over the past few decades of politicians being cut from some other, more legitimate cloth than that of the ordinary person. Not that Marianne Williamson is an ordinary person. She possesses one of the sharpest minds in the political landscape. She can only be considered ordinary in that she is not a “politician”. She doesn’t have a law degree, although she is as studied.
No, Marianne has devoted her studies to the history of our world and the spiritual practices of humans throughout time. She is well versed in all of the major spiritual belief systems, yet beholden to none. Marianne speaks to the one spiritual principle of Love. For Marianne, parsing political talking points and policies are scratching the surface - like waves on the ocean, while moral principles, such as caring for our fellow man, and justice that run as deep as the ocean floor.
Marianne Williamson represents the truth of who we are at our core, and the ideals upon which The United States was founded. She reflects to us our highest possibilities, and our deepest selves. Marianne speaks to the best in us, and points the way past our small-minded, self-centered egoic thinking. She understands that our full potential can only be manifested by EVERYONE rising together, contributing their unique gifts to the magnificence of our democracy, leaving no one behind.
Marianne rejects scarcity thinking; that in order for some to have enough, others must go hungry. She understands true alchemy, and how positive, creative energy creates abundance. The parable of Jesus turning bread into fishes comes to mind. Marianne understands that we can create miracles, by harnessing the power of Love that resides in our hearts and minds. She looks evil in the face, as represented by greed, division and racism. She articulates a compelling vision of uniting as One American body, restoring our place as the keepers of the shining light of a true democracy, within an international community.
Marianne recognizes that we have to atone for our sins as a nation in order move past the wrongdoings of our violent birth in order to heal our collective trauma. To acknowledge our karmic debt to African Americans, which has been accruing interest over the past 250 years, and must be paid in order for us to walk together as one people.
For many of us, the election in 2016 left us incredulous and stunned—more like bitch slapped— but beyond all that, terrified of what was to come. The election of a slimy real estate tycoon and reality tv star to the highest office in the land represented nothing if not the beginning of the fall of any remaining dignity the American culture might have held. Worse, it began the onslaught of the destruction of our democracy.
Many of the values we considered impervious to the winds of change have since been challenged, and worse, destroyed. Since that time, those of us in opposition to the current occupant of the White House have suffered a collective PTSD. We are unsettled, easily triggered, hypersensitive and holding our breath for the next shock to our humanity. Many of us have been scratching our heads in disbelief at the depravity of our current administration, particularly the treatment of the asylum seekers; our fellow human beings.
During this dark time, many spiritual seekers have begun to wonder if evolution of the masses is a misguided ideal. Some dispute the belief that humanity can evolve, stating not part of cosmic organization. We live in a dualistic plane, yin/yang, day/night, pleasure/pain, good/evil. Equinimity may seem out of reach.
But if we look to science, we see that our species has gotten this far as a result of evolution. My personal belief, informed by my own study of spiritual texts, is that our evolution task is elevation of consciousness. And in that scenerio, this is our moment.
As a human being, Marianne has character defects, and she is aware of them. Thanks to the personal work she has done on herself over the past 35 years, she is closer to sanity and to a deeper understanding of what it means to be a human/being than potentially any candidate before her.
Marianne cut her teeth lecturing about the Course in Miracles, a text that has its origins as a channeled work, scribed by Helen Schucman and William ('Bill') Thetford between 1965 through 1972. Schucman reported that the book had been dictated to her, word for word, via "inner dictation" from an entity she determined was Jesus.\
I admit, this has always been difficult for me to fathom, and yet, the principles of the Course closely relate to principles of ancient Vedic and Buddhist philosophy, and so, I focus on the wisdom of principles themselves rather than how they came to be.
However, much of our Western civilization has been founded on an equally far out story, that of Jesus of Nazareth. If we can organize our culture for the past 2000 years around a story of a man coming back from the dead, the idea that a miracle is simple “a change in perception” seems quite tame, whether channeled by a researcher or not.
Though she’s obviously been thinking about politics seriously enough to have written a still-relevant forecast of our current storm more than 20 years ago, India says the conversation about becoming president began in earnest after the 45th man to lead the United States was voted into office.
Marianne Williamson’s understanding of the history of the United States, and the context within which it was founded is comprehensive. I suggest anyone read her treaties on the politics of love, which were first introduced in 1997, in her book “Healing the Soul of America” and again refined in the more recent “The Politics of Love”.
Marianne Williamson is no push over – she’s sharp, understands economics, foreign policy, boundaries and fair trade. Listen to her speak; she has a great mind, and can articulate economic and spiritual principles in laymen’s terms. Despite what her critics would have us believe, she’s not floating on some unicorn rainbow colored cloud. She understands quite well what is going on and applies principles of spiritual truth applied to practical concerns of humanity. She beckons us to seek a “moral” awakening; really, who can argue with her?
Marianne quotes FDR that the most important function of the President of the United States is philosophical leadership. The role of the president, at this time in our history, has more of a visionary function.
Congress and the Justice Department are there to keep the powers of the President in check. But the face we are showing to the rest of the world is reflected by who we elect to the highest office of the President. I would be proud to have Marianne Williamson’s politics of love be the clarion call for our nation. To be the beacon of light, and fulfill our promise of a “government of the people, by the people, and for the people”.
Yes, Marianne Williamson represents a metaphysical candidate in our cold political process and all I can say is Alle-fucking-luia
It is a task of our generation to recreate the American politeia, to awaken from our culture of distraction and re-engage the process of democracy with soulfulness and hope. Yes, we see there are problems in the world. But we believe in a universal force that, when activated by the human heart, has the power to make all things right. Such is the divine authority of love: to renew the heart, renew the nations, and ultimately, renew the world. Amen
Heirs to the European Age of Enlightenment – a movement proclaiming the inherent goodness of man-our founders expressed their philospophical vision in the Declaration of Independence and their political genius in the US Constitution.
Our founders primary genius was to rethink political power. They transformed political authority from a governmental source to a citizen source. It was not to be wealth or power of one’s outer circumstances, but the spirit of intelligent goodness which resides inside all of us that was entrusted with the authority to rule this nation.
Every generation must relearn and recommit to the foundations of democracy, as they are something that can never be taken for granted.
What would love do now, if called in to help us?
Love changes people and when people change we change the world around us
“We need to think deeply about our ancestors and more responsibly about our descendants. We need to awaken to“the cries of children, to the cries of the desperate, and to the cries of the earth. We need a revolution of the heart.”
“America’s democratic values—that we are created equal; that we’re given by God inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that governments are instituted to secure those rights—are the rock on which we stand. They come from the higher mind, and are the sacred calling of citizenship. More than any law or institution, those values are our only sure protection from tyranny. ”
“A person who lacks empathy or conscience is a sociopath. Similarly, an economic system that is essentially amoral—that does not factor empathy or conscience into its determination of right action—is a sociopathic economic system”
“What threatens our democracy today is an amoral economic worldview that puts money before love and things before people.”
“A new politics will emerge from a new conversation, speaking to both external circumstances and deeper truths. ”
“In the words of the French philosopher Teilhard de Chardin, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”
“It’s not naive to suggest that we reorient our politics around love’s purposes. What’s naive is to think that we can afford not to, and retain either our freedom or our survival as a species. ”
“Responsibility means response-ability. Fear is speaking loudly in the world today; now we the people need to respond.”
“Spirituality is simply the path of the heart, and if it applies to anything, then it applies to everything.”
“Our current unrest can lead to a national reset if we’re willing to become the people we need to be in order to do the things we need to do.
America has fallen, and now it’s time for us to rise.”
“Another fundamental American principle was articulated by Abraham Lincoln in the Gettysburg Address: that “government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”
Those ideas are not just abstract concepts. They are living, breathing forces for which hundreds of thousands of people have struggled, lived, and died. Every one of them represents a freedom in the absence of which every American would live a very different life.”
“Whether for an individual or for a nation, every crisis comes with two things: a reflection of who we have been, and an invitation to become who we need to become.”
“A new kind of American—a new kind of thinker and a new kind of citizen—needs to arise now.
And quickly.”
Excerpt From: Marianne Williamson. “A Politics of Love.” iBooks.
