6 Ways to Free Yourself from Anxiety’s Grip.
There are days when no matter how green the smoothie, or how many deep breaths I take, anxiety gets the best of me.
I could be sitting, as I am now, looking out at a glistening ocean, drinking rich, aromatic coffee, and eating a scrumptious breakfast---and none-the-less, my mind and heart feel parched. When anxiety comes to visit, even the good in my life becomes hard to digest.
Often it invites its cousin, depression, over for a nibble. Together they chew away at our souls. Fed on a consistent stream of clenching thoughts, hopeless visions and excruciating restlessness, they are insatiable.
It can be so easy, somewhat seductive, to let anxiety win. It tells stories about futility, and makes judgments about weakness. Frustration leads to indignance that we have allowed ourselves to arrive at this place…again!
At this point, it may interest you to know that I am a psychotherapist. I share my knowledge, my training and most importantly, my compassion and empathy with my clients. I offer myself to them as a space to sort things out, to find new paths that will hopefully lead them closer to contentment, in whatever form that may take.
However, like most therapists, I’m also human; I have my own struggles, even as I help other people manage theirs. One of the reasons I am able to do this is through the practice of managing my own anxiety and depression.
Anxiety doesn’t appear out of nowhere. We do ourselves a great disservice if we don’t consider the demands of modern life on our central nervous system and our mental health. Financial stress, relationship issues, missed assignments and impending deadlines--- even the act of staring at screens for the majority of our day is an unprecedented twenty-first century stressor.
All these factors add to our dis-ease. In many cases, the diagnosis of an anxiety disorder is a direct result of life circumstances, rather than a random chemical imbalance requiring a prescription. When was the last time a psychiatrist actually ran a neurotransmitter test before prescribing an SSRI inhibitor?
I am not opposed to medications necessarily, nor am I suggesting that all cases are environmental. However, I know from my personal and professional experience with clients that life circumstances often drive the state of overwhelm, which is frequently a predecessor of anxiety. That said, I urge anyone with overwhelming anxiety to seek professional help to determine the best path for treatment, which may include medication.
At times, it may not be clear what the source of our anxiety is. In these cases, we have to play private investigator to uncover the original thought that lead us down the rabbit hole. Often this leads us to bigger questions that lie under the surface---questions of meaning and connection, of love and of loss.
Much like a Chinese handcuff, as we try to pull away, anxiety’s grip tightens around our hearts, and it doesn’t let go easily. For those interested in self-development, the beauty of this seemingly no-win situation is that it presents us with an opportunity to work on ourselves---to work on self-mastery and on letting go of that which no longer serves us.
If we can muster some insight, and see through anxiety’s disorienting haze, we can begin to unravel its hold.
I start by becoming curious about it. What is underneath my anxiety? What am I not honoring in myself that is demanding attention? How can I work to honor that, even in some small way, in the present moment.
“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it” ~ Eckhart Tolle
The answers come through surrender. Through an acceptance of what is, and a gentle curiosity about its deeper message, we can come to recognize the false beliefs that may be holding us back from reaching our goals or living life with more ease.
Wrestling the irrational thoughts that accompany anxiety is as real as any WWE match. It is pretend drama, offering a false premise of either/or, win or lose. When we can free ourselves from this kind of black and white thinking, our creative mind begins to awaken and often solutions or paths that we had not seen reveal themselves.
Abraham Hicks calls it “reaching for the good thought”. When anxiety has hold of us, this act alone can be an epic effort. Our arms feel glued to our sides, those good thoughts out of reach. Our work is the emotional equivalent of physical rehabilitation---although we may feel paralyzed, we need to muster our strength and make the effort to first accept, then look past our anxiety. It doesn’t always work, but if we are patient, we can ride it until it does.
What does this look like? For starters, we can reach for beauty. Simply find beauty. It doesn’t have to be some exotic or heroic destination. Find a flower, or a piece of artwork, and study it. Allow it’s unique magnificence to fill your heart. Beauty reminds us that we are connected to a much bigger mystery and intelligence; we can relax in knowing how little any of us really know.
For me, one of the most fulfilling and effective remedies to move past my anxiety is being of use to another. This article is a result of this intention. I set out today to write an article that would be of benefit to others. As I began, I found myself stuck with anxiety. I tried to ignore it and to focus on a bigger idea, to no avail. I realized the only direction I could move in with integrity was to lean in. The most generous act is to share my humanity and my process. To offer the rawness of my experience, in hopes it will give others the courage to face their own vulnerability.
This is the amazing and transformative power of love; when we offer our hearts to another, we heal ourselves. As corny as it may sound, the act of helping another not only benefits the recipient, it truly goes both ways. This is one of the blessings of the work I do. In order to be of service to others, I have to rise up in myself. I have to work from a place of hope, of possibility. In the process of being there for my clients, I take myself there as well.
In Buddhist terms, this is the bodhisattva path. In seeking to liberate others, we liberate ourselves. I believe this is ultimately how we will change the world.
If you find yourself stuck in anxiety, try the green smoothie, the deep breaths, try sitting on a mountaintop.
If all that doesn’t work, trying moving into a place of acceptance. Try reaching out to be of benefit to others. My hope is it may free you from the grip of anxiety.
ADDITIONAL TIPS FOR FREEING YOURSELF FROM ANXIETY’S GRIP.
1. Creativity is a great healer. It’s essential to our nature to create. In my case, that takes the form of the written word, for others its cooking, gardening, photography, even arranging a bowl of flowers can be a meditation and quell the grip of anxiety.
2. Meditation – Try it. Although at first it may seem like trying to herd cats, with practice your mind will quiet down. Creating a daily meditation practice will help stabilize your mood, and be a safe space to return to when the waves of anxiety hit.
3. Seek Wisdom – Maybe you have a favorite author, or speaker that inspires you. Be kind to yourself and fill your mind with inspiring ideas, which can counter your negative thinking and deliver a message you need to turn your mind around.
4. Don’t Believe Everything you Think –Just because we think a thought does not mean it is true, or that it has anything to do with us. Thoughts are ideas, and ideas are part of a much bigger cultural conversation. Our brains are like antennas that pick up thoughts, we can choose those we want to listen to, and those we want to tune out.
5. Accept the Moment – Try not to become anxious about your anxiety. You don’t have to be happy that you’re anxious, but by not objecting to it, you free up energy and loosen its grip.
6. Do a Happy Dance – Even if you don’t feel like it. Anxiety is stuck energy. It wants an expression. Movement releases, get it out of your body. Exercise or yoga can work as well, as long as it isn’t another “should” in your life. Dancing around to your favorite music will move the energy in a fun way. You may end up in tears by the end, but at least it’s getting out of your body!
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