We can only see ourselves in reflection.
Isn’t that peculiar? For all of the magnificent complexity of creation, we cannot see ourselves directly. It seems to me to be a bit of a practical joke. Surely, if creation thought it useful, we would have been able to pop our eyeballs out to look back at ourselves.
From an evolutionary perspective, one might deduce that self observation serves no useful purpose. However, when viewed through a metaphoric lens, the fact that we can only see ourselves as a reflection is symbolic of a somewhat deeper truth.
We need each other.
“What people in the world think of you is really none of your business”~ Martha Graham
This phrase went made its rounds on social media a few years back, and when I first heard it, I jumped right on the bandwagon. I had spent the majority of my life evaluating myself according to other’s opinions of me. To think I could be free of that burden, yes indeed, count me in!
At first glace, most of us would probably agree measuring our self worth based on others opinions, expectations or judgments of us is not a great idea.
However, for those of us interested in self-development, the reflections of others are invaluable. Because as we seek to “know thyself”, we must recognize that we're not objective about ourselves. This is one reason we may seek out a teacher.
I remember the day when insight struck, and I realized that we could not be objective about ourselves. I was a teenager, lingering outside after school, when the thought came to me. “You can’t see yourself clearly”.
Some people---those who care about us---those who love us---and in fact even those who irritate us, have a message.
Doesn't mean that everyone is right about us there is no right that's the entire point.
We are stuck in our little minds, our self image, made up of our personal narratives, “the story of me” as Eckhart Tolle speaks of it. To not take anything personally is to recognize that most people are running their own proprietary operating system,
However at the same time
Things that are best friend might tell us about ourselves perhaps will be more open to. What about that irritating coworker or the competitive friend. The boss who is never satisfied. And then of course there's the family.
I can also be a lot we can also be a romantic relationship nothing cuts to the core more than one a romantic partner points out some constructive criticism him. Especially in marriages can often be hard to hear.
I first had this realization when walking out of the therapy session Monday many years ago in the village in New York City. The man was walking down down the street accompanied by two women on either side of him and is he passed I overheard his conversation with them and my thought was oh my god what an idiot. I can't tell you know what that judgment was but the thought that immediately followed was I wondered if either of those women would tell him so I realize that to have people that care enough about you to about the things that you may be blind to about yourself is very loving act to get engaged to commit to have an opinion sure they can be overdone.
How much easier is it to not get involved. And I'm not talking about detachment I'm not talking about the spiritual goal of non-judgment those things all stand right now and carving out a certain aspect of how we need each other in the ways in which the reflection we provide to each other can be of benefit for highest good. Most spiritual traditions incorporate this idea of work on oneself of coming to know the parts of ourselves that are painful to see often teachers will be the ones to demonstrate to us either directly or indirectly areas of ourselves that need work. Often these are aspects of our ego. Seeing ourselves without judgment is a spiritual test. Having friends on the spiritual path to point out these areas is truly a gift one that takes a good stomach not always easy to stomach but something incredibly precious.
This is what I hope to provide to my clients. I seek to be a mirror to reflect back to them what I see their presentation of themselves to me. Of course I'm not a perfect beer I have my biases I have my cultural experiences I can only reflect back from the medium that I am. However that does not negate The value of the information. By collecting reflections of others about ourselves we can begin to put together a picture of the whole nothing can be more shocking at times than seeing oneself on video tape or hearing once boys often actors don't want to see themselves at work often we cringe when we hear her voice. This shows how truly ignorant we are of our of the impression we give. It's all for learning it's all to be of benefit it's all to be grateful for those for flecked ourselves back to ourselves we need each other if we are to become whole.
These are the friendships that I value most friends who are willing to go to get in the ring with me willing to take the risk to say something course with kindness of course with compassion but those willing to commit to take a chance to help me grow friends like these are rare and incredibly cherished.
English Standard Version
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. English Standard Version
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
Whatever relational dynamic you find yourself in - learn to decipher its deeper meaning. Pay attention, become an observer of how you’re energy impacts others and in turn what it inspires in them. Be mindful of who, what and how you are triggered and in what context. Never fear the reflection, instead use it to go deeper and deeper into the process of self-examination and self-discovery, go deeper still into the self, until eventually you discover or uncover the nature of your affliction
Although we are born and die as individuals, we are inexplicability tied to each other while alive.
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