Reconnecting with Noelle - Mothers Day 2016

 I feel out of control most of my days. Because of this illness, I never know when it will strike, so I always have this feeling of when the shoe will drop again. I

When my daughter was 18, she moved out of the house, and I was unprepared for that. She did not stay in touch much, so I felt like I lost my connection to her in a harsh way. She had her reasons, which were a mystery to me, so I felt very distraught and confused. My heart was broken and that lasted for several years.  The most severe broken heart. I just felt like a part of me was missing.There were moments of connection, but I often felt like when I communicated to her, it was like I was sending pings out into the universe, never knowing if or when I would get a signal back.

It was incredbily frustrating as well, because there were things I still handled for her, areas of life where she was still connected to me, so to reach out to her, and get no response. It was crazy making. She would let me know in her own way that she loved me, I remember a very touching Thanksgiving day text that I received from her. She acknowledged that much of it was her own issues, that she did not feel comfortable speaking truthfully to me, but she thanked me for all I was and had done for her, and for remaining patient with her.

Thankfully, I never stopped trying. And this past year, on mothers day no less, we reconnected. We had the best talk, a totally conscious discussion of misunderstandings and intentions. We don’t talk all the time now, but our core connection is back, and that has been an amazing healing for me.